Goddamn Thomas (11): Speaking of a message he had gotten on his cell phone: "You ever get a voice mail that has given you an erection?" {Unzipping pants and taking a look} Um, NO!

Okay, it's Friday morning and I've been up since 3:30am. Not real good, but at least it gave me the opportunity to watch 'Monsters Ball' for the first time. And no, didn't really like it all that much but can see what they saw in Halle's performance.

Talked to the hubby last night and there is a problem. The plane that was supposed to arrive at El Centro yesterday didn't, because it broke down on the way out there. Great. So now, they are trying to see if they can swindle, um, I mean con, er, I mean ask the Marines to let them hitch a ride in their plane. They are also still trying to get their piece of crap plane fixed so it can get out there to bring them all home. Yeah, the thought of that happening and the plane subsequently going down in flames has crossed my mind. I have such faith in their abilities, can't ya tell?

So what the hell does all that mean? It means that he may or may not be coming home tomorrow night. He may come home on Saturday at some point. Or it may be as late as Sunday. (Oh, and I was misinformed Mike. The terminals will be open, it's only manned by civilians and therefore costs a hell of a lot more to land this weekend.)

I am *not* happy. But like I told him, it's just no use getting upset about it. The US Navy is always fucking shit like this up and there isn't anything you can do about it. I must be getting used to this Navy wife thing. Almost ready for him to become an officer. ;)

And a special thanks goes out to Mike for driving all the way out to Hell, oops I mean Oceana and back. I'm still buying you dinner! :)

He's coming home on FRIDAY NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!! But, it'll be late on Friday night, so I told him to just stay the night here and drive up to Richmond in the morning.

Oh, and guys? Um, yeah, you know I love you, right?

We'll be getting a hotel room for Sat. & Sun. night. Nothing against you guys at all, it's just, you know, we'd like a little "privacy" to, um, catch up on all the gossip. Yeah, that's it, the gossip. ;D

The temperature today in El Centro, California is 124° IN THE SHADE.

I reiterate - I will never live in El Centro.

On my hands for my own good.

Added a tag board.

Is Michael not blogging because our beloved Chas can't? Or does he only have just enough time in his busy day to just comment everywhere?

Questions that the universe wants answered....

Last night, while cleaning up the crap in my dining room, I decided to turn on the t.v. for some background noise. Flipping through the channels for anything decent, I found a game show I didn’t know existed. ‘Dog Eat Dog’ is an interesting mix of physical and mental challenges. The contestants are eliminated one by one and sent to the ‘dog pound’ to wait until the end of the show. When there is a final winner – the Top Dog – this said person still has to out-challenge the ‘dog pound’ to get the cash. There are a series of topics and the Top Dog then has to choose one person to answer a question on the topic. If the ‘pound’ is able to answer the question, they win a point – if not, then the Top Dog gets the point. If the ‘pound’ is able to get 3 of 5 points, they all split the cash and the Top Dog gets nothing – and vice versa.

It was at the end last night, when the topic of ‘Books’ came up. The Top Dog chose Danny – a 23-year-old investment banker – to answer the question. The score was at 2 –0, with the Top Dog only needing one more point to win the money for himself. It was all down to Danny to answer this one question. What was the question that Danny answered with ‘Ernest Hemmingway?’

{Hold on to your seats folks}

Who wrote ‘Gone With The Wind?’

I sat there, with my mouth hanging open, appalled. Maybe I am just getting older, but it just seems to me that young people don’t know some of the most important/influential/etc. happenings and issues of our past. Yes, we need to look towards the future, but if we don’t know our history, it will be lost.

Do we have directions - or even an address - of where we are staying at in Richmond????

And I also wonder if I can get my dearest, sweetest, bestest, kindest, most wonderful friend Mike to give me a ride some time this week from Oceana? {on knees, begging} Pretty please? I just need to drop off the truck for that butthead, I mean my handsome husband, so there will be no worries about when he'll be getting back and having to arrange someone to get his ass.

It is the best and worst emotion to ever be felt. It is defined in many different ways by many different people. Love is one of the most versatile emotions that we have. We love our family differently than we love our friends and we love our significant other differently than we love anyone else. Is there such a thing as too much love? Is it possible to love someone so much that it becomes hazardous to ourselves? And how much is that?

In my own life, I have loved a lot of different people in a lot of different ways. But my love for my husband (and I mean the current one and none of the others) runs deeper than even I thought love could run. I would do almost anything he would ask of me – save killing myself – out of pure love for him. Does love for one’s family ever run this deep? Perhaps, just not in my family. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I love them all. I just don’t *like* all of them. And to me, that just sounds like a contradiction in terms. Unless you ask 'why' I love my family, which in and of itself is the answer. I love my family because they are my family. I'd give my brother a kidney if he needed it, but I'd rather not socialize with him if I can help it.

And does love for one's friends run that deep? Depends on your friends. There are certain friends that I have that I would do practically anything for. {no, not naming names} Well, as long as it didn't conflict with my relationship with my husband or other friends (or what little morals I have). But is the love I have for them go so deep as to shatter my fragile heart should they betray me like I've been through with the hubby? I'm not sure, and unfortunately, to answer that question, one of my friends would have to betray me. And I'd just as soon not go through that.

From the PPP: No, I am not talking about any recent event. Just a rambling.

I'm a little verklempt! *sniff*
Talk amongst yourselves
I'll give you a topic:
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Discuss

Yes, the bathroom is finished!! :) There is a few small touch-ups to do with the paint, but they are no biggie and I ain't gonna sweat 'em. And my thanks go out to Vivie. Without her bulging biceps and putting up with my frustated ass, it never would have gotten done.

Today, while on the phone with our dearest, sweetest Viv, I think I might possibly have threatened him. He is coming over today - at least I hope he's still coming over - and I informed him that he better be ready for some intelligent conversation. He seemed, um, worried about that.

I wonder why?

:D

Wheezer, you know I love you more than my luggage.

I had four projects that I assigned myself while the hubby was gone. Two of them he knew about, the other two he doesn't - but he is scared about what they are! :)

Update:

Project One: Prime and paint kitchen cabinet doors that go over the stove. Status: Completed!

Project Two: Paint bedroom wall, assemble 'toy' rack, paint rack same color as wall, and install. Put up all bedroom pictures. Status: Completed!

Project Three: Paint bathroom & install all the new fixtures. Status: 3/4 of the way completed.

Project Four: Throw away or put away all the crap from the spare bedroom. Status: 1/4 of the way completed.

So technically, I have three projects done. :) But again, that is using *my* math methods. Seriously, I am hoping that I will be able to complete the bathroom project this evening. Assuming, of course, that my housemaid, er, I mean Viv will be able to help me with those bulging biceps of his. :D Project Four will probably take at least another night of going through all the crap. I went ahead and decided to take off Thursday, so I'll be able to give the house a good cleaning before we leave on Friday.

And there is still no news on when he's actually arriving on Saturday. When I know, you'll know. :)

Why is it hard for some people to remain faithful to their significant other than others? Is it inherently wrong to want that? If you are lucky enough to find someone you are willing to marry, why risk everything for one drunken night of passion or one afternoon of fun?

Yes, I do know of where I speak. I can speak from all sides of this question. I have cheated on a spouse, I have been “the other woman” and I have been cheated on by a spouse. I think that pretty much covers the full range, doesn’t it? Cheating on a spouse is done for any number of reasons. None of them are valid in my opinion, not even the ones I told myself. Especially the BULLSHIT excuse that gets used most often – you aren’t happy in your current situation. You know what? Instead of doing MORE DAMAGE to the relationship that you are presently in, CHANGE it. Seek counseling, get the fuck out, TALK ABOUT IT WITH THEM. Pick an option here. Don’t think you can change it? Think again, every situation is changeable. Don’t want to leave your marriage because of the kids? The kids know when shit isn’t right at home – whether you realize it or not – and it will damage them far more than if you stay in an unhappy marriage than to get a divorce.

And while I cannot speak for every woman who has ever been the “other woman” in this scenario, let me tell you, it sucks. There *is* guilt that builds up the longer you are in the situation. And it sucks to know that you will never be a priority in the other person’s life. You have to take what you can get, whenever you can get it. It is no way to live your life, and most people I know deserve better than that.

As far as being cheated on, there is nothing more heart breaking. It destroys the very fabric of a relationship. The trust that you once held is shattered. And it takes longer to rebuild that trust again than it took to find it in the first place. And there are some people that can never find it within themselves to forgive something like that.

I'm not sure what brought this topic on. Maybe because I have my own "issues" with fidelity as it relates to my own marriage? Probably, but I'd like to think that it's getting better - at least within myself.

I get home today and what do I find?? Yes, Viv {in all her glory} was down right disgusting. She decided to leave her 'whitey tighties' all over my house!!! Found a pair in almost every room...I will never be the same again.

This comes from some comments that have been going back and forth. Next time everyone is over at the house, all the toys will be on display for a question and answer period - for all of those who don't seem to know what they are looking at.

:)

Joe just called me and said he had to work this evening. He would like to reschedule his dinner for next week. So you people are on your own tonight. :)

Vivie - how about Uncle Louie's tonight?

Anyone else want to join, or must you be somewhere where you can watch the last episode of AR?

While the originating story of the teddy bear is over and done with, that question still lingers inside my head - with other crap that should be tossed out at some point in time. At the time this question was written, I did feel a little anger at it, but that subsided fairly quickly - and never did I think that the person who asked said question was inferring anything, just to be clear here - but it made me think and ask other questions.

But lets take that question further here. How much is a day with the love of your life worth? Think about this: when someone special in your life dies, don't you *wish* you could have just 'one more day' for whatever reason? What would you give to have it? How much is that day worth to you? (Do ya see where I'm going here?) How much is a day with someone you love worth?

On thinking about this, I question myself. What is it worth? Would I give up anything and everything to have one more day with Steven? It would depend really. If he were dead, then the answer would be a definitive yes. One more chance to tell him that I love him, that I miss him, that I'm sorry for anything and everything I have ever done that has hurt him in any way? You bet your ass - but for me, that's because he *is* the love of my life. There will be no other. Ever.

But would I give up anything and everything if I knew with absolute certainty that I would see him again? The answer is going to be a little different. I would give up a few things to make it happen, but nothing major. But there are no certainties in life, now are there (okay, except death and taxes)? No one can say for absolute certainty that you will see anyone tomorrow, now can you? You might get hit by a bus tomorrow morning on your way to work. I might get shot at the 7-11. You just don't know.

What the hell am I getting at here? This: Each and every day is precious. And each and every day you are able to see, speak, touch, or listen to the ones you love is a day to be cherished. Don't waste them. What is a day worth - you decide.

I know that this just going to be opening myself up for all kinds of shit from everyone, but I'm happy and like to share my happiness with my friends. Actually, two people already know and I'm just going to spill it for the rest - so someone can quit biting his tongue. ;) I have found myself a girlfriend finally! And no, not just a girl - friend, a girlfriend. Yes, one of those two people is the hubby - and yes, he's perfectly fine with it. He knew my predilection for women well before he married me and sees nothing wrong with sharing me with a woman. Lucky me! ;D

We all have them – yes even me. ;) But do some people have more than others do? And are other people’s habits more annoying than our own? Or are they just easier to identify than our own? Or is the said irritating habit only irritating to certain individuals? And how do you know what is irritating to others? And if you knew said habit was irritating to someone would you change said habit to make it less irritating? Can I ask any more questions? Have I irritated you enough?

But seriously, would you change said habit if you knew it irritated someone close to you? Yeah, the hubby has plenty of irritating habits that, at times, makes me want to kill him (and I'm sure that the reverse is also true). But I don't point them out very often to him, because I really don't want mine pointed out to me. Let's face it, in my mind's eye, I'm perfect (as she laughs aloud) - no I couldn't really say that with a straight face! But I really don't want them pointed out. Besides, isn't it supposed to be the little things that always drive us crazy that makes marriage (or a partnership - whatever the fuck you want to call it), um, interesting?

And honestly, the answer to all those questions in the first paragraph can be summed up pretty easily with - YES.

Making a comment to both Todd and Viv (if I remember correctly), I am dangerous when left to my own devices at home. This is when I do my most in-depth thinking, exploring different avenues within my mind that should sometimes just be left alone. ;) And for some reason - and do not share this with the hubby when he gets back - I have more intelligent conversations when alone. Not that he isn't intelligent, we just don't normally go down that road. :)

Hence some of the 'deep' posts this week. Be prepared for more this week and next. Sorry in advance. :)

While cruisin' around the 'net this morning, I read a rather interesting story. It did make me stop and think about my own actions and thoughts. It also made me cry - which is a hard thing to do if you know me. Teddy bears just do that to me. ;)

But what it really made me think of was - do any of my friends know me as well as I think they do? Do they really know what is deep down inside of me? While the majority - if not all of them - know a lot about me, have I ever shown them the real me? Do they know how sensative I can get - or have they only seen the tough exterior that I normally show? Probably the latter in that one. And I don't know why that is, except maybe being hurt one too many times in the past by someone who was supposedly a friend when I did let my feelings show. So I try not to let anyone see when things really effect me, but it doesn't always work.

From the PPP: This post was made with only my own sanity in mind and not for anyone else.

The song just keeps going through my head, over and over again. Why? Because various part of my body are stipled with blue paint. NO - get your minds out of the gutter - not *those* parts.

Okay, so I don't live in Georgia. And not all the lights are out at my house. Okay, okay, I admit it, it was my own fault the lights are out in my bathroom. But I *had* to rip out the old light fixture and begin repairing the wall behind it, and still need to paint in there before I can install the new light fixture. Showering this morning was definitely interesting. Thank goodness for the hall light, or I'd have to get an oil lamp to put in there. And an open flame + paint = disaster just waiting to happen.

All through our lives, we learn different lessons. Lessons on friendship, love, sex, money, and life in general. I've learned a lot over the years and I have found that the lessons that have really stuck with me have been the ones that have hurt me the most.

Case in point: I had a friend who I loved to hang with, drink with, and talk in depth with. She was a really nice person, bitchy like me, and had the cutest little girl (who was 3 at the time). But this was also my selfish and self-serving period in life. Hell, I was only 18-19 at the time. But anyway, I did something that – while I do not regret it – I am sorry that I did (and no, you are not getting details). I was too caught up in *me* to notice that my actions had anything to do with her. It hurt her and it didn’t even phase me until later when I received a scathing letter from her. She never spoke to me again. I lost a good friend and it was all my fault.

What did I learn here and why don’t I regret it? First, I learned that for every action I take has some kind of reaction (stolen in part from the third law of motion, thank you Mr. Isaac Newton) – good, bad, or indifferent. Cause and effect. There is nothing that I do that does not effect someone else in some form or fashion. This is the one lesson that I learned the hard way and will forever be ingrained into my mind.

Secondly, I now have come to the realization that I regret nothing I have ever done in my life. I may be sorry about some of the things I have or haven’t done, but I will never regret again. Everything I have ever done has made me what I am and has gotten me to this stage of my life. It has made me a more mature, more aware person, at least in my mind. I am certain that there are some people who would claim that I still do some immature things - and they may be right on occasion - but I am aware of how those actions effect others, and may be doing what they perceive as immature for a purpose.

Some time ago I posted a “thought for the day” of the following quote: “Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; it's only for wallowing in. - Katherine Mansfield.” While I agree that you should not regret anything, you have to look back on occasion to be sure that you learned the life lessons you were supposed to learn the first time around.

From the PPP (see yesterday’s post): Where did this post come from? Sitting in my living room last night, looking over my “project schedule”, I was talking to myself (as always). And, as quoted from Hook, ‘Smee: I've just had an apostrophe. Hook: I think you mean an epiphany. Smee: Lightning has just struck my brain. Hook: That must hurt.’ It was just an epiphany that I talked out with myself – which I’m prone to do when home alone (good thing no one has bugged our house yet).

Yesterday in El Centro, CA, the temperature reached 112°.

I will never live in El Centro. :)

Some time back, I did a review of "Screening Party" by Dennis Hensley and last week I got an email from said author. Needless to say, I was thrilled! And did I mention that everyone really does need to read this book???

**DISCLAIMER**

This particular rant is not - can I repeat that? - NOT directed toward any one individual or group. This disclaimer is brought to you by the PPP - People Protecting Paranoidals.

Ahem, honesty...

Isn't it always the best policy? Why is it so hard for some people to be honest? Either with themselves or other people? Why can't some people just speak the truth - as it relates to them - when asked? What is it that keeps us from just telling people exactly what we are thinking/planning/doing/etc? Is it some form of inner censor, telling our minds (and subsequently our mouths) to keep a lid on it? And why is it that being honest with one person is easier than being honest with another?

Now, don't equate honesty to telling every little secret about yourself. For example, there are things that I have never shared with anyone and there are things that only a select few know about. But you know what? If you asked the right question, I *would* give you an honest answer - regardless if it's something that I think is a secret or not.

Part of the answers to all these questions is fairly simple. Being honest is seen by a number of people to equate to being a bitch. There have been times that I have said exactly what I thought about a situation and immediately been determined to be a bitch/cunt/pick a derogatory name. Excuse me? Why should I sugar coat something for you? Do you want honest answers to your questions, or do you really prefer some flowery bullshit? (This is why I will never be a politician) Call me what you want, but you can bet on your mother's soul that I'm always going to be honest with you. Not brutally honest, though I have been at times, and if you piss me off enough - that *is* what you'll get. But I will tell you if you look fat in those jeans, I will tell you when you are being a fucking narcissistic asshole, and I *will* tell you, when you will undoubtably ask, that I do or do not like the man/woman/animal you are currently dating. I'm not trying to be mean, but this is who I am. {If you have a problem with that, then bye-bye birdie - there's the fucking door and don't let it hit you in the ass on the way out. Oh, and lose my number, email, and anything else associated with me, because you obviously don't appreciate who I am.}

I believe that the answer to the question "why is it that being honest with one person is easier than being honest with another? " is more complex. There are a number of ways this could be answered. Perhaps you trust one person more with the truth than the other? Of course, I would then have to ask why trust is important in being honest - yeah, I can see it about something that isn't for the general public - but most questions in life aren't about such private matters, now are they? Perhaps it's easier for you to tell the truth to someone who lives far away than one who is near at hand? Perhaps you can tell complete strangers - or facsimiles thereof - the whole truth, but your friends would call you on it? Perhaps you are just afraid of being honest with certain people - because of what they would do/say/think of you?

There are always more questions than answers, and since I don't have all the answers, I'll just leave you with the pondering...

This past weekend saw me at my butchest. Saturday, hit the Home Depot (looking like a butch lesbian to get better treatment - you'd be surprised at how they will treat women in there) and got everything I needed to complete the projects that I have planned. I am redoing the bathroom (painting, installing new medicine cabinet, installing another cabinet, and installing the accessories that we bought almost a year ago!), cleaning out and putting up everything that was in the spare bedroom, and painting one wall in the master bedroom so I can install the "toy rack." (You don't even want to ask) So far, and Bob can attest to this, the bathroom looks a fright, but I'm about 1/3 of the way there. Tore out all the old shit, patched all the holes, sanded them, and recaulked the tub (which really needed it and I also discovered the crappy job they did of installing it). Some time this week I'll be priming the patched spots (really all the walls in the bathroom should be torn out and new sheetrock installed, but I don't have that kind of time or money so here's hoping that it doesn't turn out like shit!), painting the ceiling and walls, and various other items on my schedule. I have to say, I love working with the power tools. I even got to use the circular saw that we have - even HE hasn't used it yet! :) I'm only sorry that I won't be able to see the look on the hubby's face when he comes home on the 30th and sees everything I've done.

Which brings me to Richmond. I am *so* looking forward to this tourney, but wish I could be able to pick the hubby up at the terminal. Oh well, I need the time away from here and he's talking about driving up when he gets back anyway. Oh, and speaking of Richmond, do we have directions to our "home away from home?"

We see what we want to see, we hear what we want to hear, and apparently, we read what we want to read.

Today is going to be fairly quiet around here. Not a whole lot going on. I would have taken the day off - spending it with the hubby who called at 7:30am to tell me he's off for the day - but couldn't really. I hope someone enjoys *their* day off today.

Dinner last night was fun - even though Joe was missed. Am I the only one who thought that Darrell could pass for Charles Manson if he'd draw the swastika on his forehead? :) Speaking of Darrell, I know we are all worried about him (and Tony for that matter). I just hope that his "wake up call" lasts for as long as possible! It scares/worries/angers me to think of losing him - or anyone really - because they *didn't* go to the pharmacy/doctor/hospital because they were just being stubborn. I can be just as guilty of this at times, but I can usually be convinced to go if someone thinks it's serious enough that I do so.

Anyway, about the Pirates of the Caribbean: Great movie overall. The special effects were awesome, Orlando Bloom was gorgeous (hmmmmm, Bob&Chas) and Johnny Depp, well, was Johnny Depp. I know I am not the only one who thinks he played the gayest pirate ever. But where was the skin in this movie??? Would it have killed them to have either one (or preferably both) take their shirt off??

"But why the rum?!?"

Spoke with Tony & Darrell last night. They *will* be at the movie, and they are going to try to make it to dinner. I'm also going to call Joe and Chas (since he's probably been too busy this week) to make sure they know what's going on.

Wednesday night, dinner at Pizza Hut on 21st St, at about 5:30p-6p, then the movie at 7:20p. Those of you who don't think you have money for dinner, you are ORDERED to attend anyway. Okay, so not ORDERED, but damn it you should know better than to worry about it!! :) (I have called T&D today about it.) Let me know if you can't come, but I won't accept many excuses! :D

No lessons - movie night! For those who weren't at the bowling alley yesterday, TODD, the plan is to go and see 'Pirates of the Caribean' that night before Steve has to go away. There's one at 6:20 and 7:20 at MacArthur. Let me know which time you all think is good. And here's another thought: Dinner is supposed to be at our house - but what if we skip and just do the dinner and movie thing on Wednesday? Not that I am trying to get out of dinner, just a thought.

Wednesday night: Chas compares Todd to the ballerina Hippos from Fantasia. Then tries to blame me and then Bob for the comment!!!

Today: Goddamn Thomas is mentioning his parents coming and doing dinner with some of us. I suggest Chas, he's about their age anyway. :)

Seeing as I've been pretty lazy at work this week, I'm making up for it today. I've got my desk organized, everything filed, and a pile of cases that I need to go through and update for one reason or another. Damn, I'm feeling pretty damn productive today! And this is all after getting out of bed today, actually making the bed {shock and amazement, I know}, cleaning up the kitchen a little, doing a load of laundry, and picking up around the living room. "I'm ah good girl, I yam." :) Okay, so I'm not Audrey Hepburn and this isn't My Fair Lady, but ya know, I try. :D

just had to link to Bill Maher's blog. I don't always agree with what he says, but he's funny all the same. Thanks to Jen for the link! :)

Damn it. October will *not* get here soon enough. One day does not a vacation make. And there were 11 damn messages on my phone when I came in this morning. Sigh...and I have no motivation to get anything done. And it didn't help having a meeting this morning that was, as usual, pointless. Anyway, looks like I have to get back to work...and help Vivie with her cover letter.

Code phrase for: I'm taking a mental health day because the job is getting on my nerves! :) And it was a very nice day for me. Did get a bit of cleaning done and bowling lessons tonight, which of course, sucked. But I get to see some of the gang, so it's all good!

And the teacher's pet for the evening, Steven. Michael didn't want to practice tonight! :)

If you aren't reading his blog, you really are missing something. Today's post was great. Best line: "What makes you cool is you not the crowd."

Yeah, I am *so* not in a good mood today. Everything that could have gone wrong today, did. From the time I got up - which ended up being 6am (making Steve late for work) instead of my usual 4:30, to the cases I've had to deal with today. I really needed to take a mental health day. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow. I wish they'd put *that* into our benefits!

What an, um, interesting weekend. Friday night started out well, then went to the worst night of my entire life, but then ended fairly decent. I won't go into details of what happened, but suffice it to say the hubby owes me. For the entire month. :)

Saturday was a lot of fun. Didn't do a whole lot during the day except bowl - which I didn't do very well. Then it was on to dinner at Veneziano's. Good Italian, but the sauce was a little watery - not the norm from what I'm told. The company was great as always. Then we moved on from the restaurant to our house. For some drinking and games. And more drinking. And spades. And more drinking. And stripping. A few of the gang saw things I'm sure they never expected to see and the night ended with Todd and I in bed. ;)

Sunday was a very looooong day. After not much sleep, headed off to brunch with the usual and then the bowling alley. Learned a very good lesson this weekend. No partying all night and expect to bowl well the next day. I bowled like utter crap and Todd and I discussed the upcoming tourney in Richmond. We will not be drinking and we *will* be getting plenty of sleep each night before we bowl!!!!

In total, this weekend was a *lot* of fun. And I realized that I am getting entirely too old for all that fun. Thank goodness that we don't try to do that all the time. I don't think I could handle it.

When you're a child, birthdays are always special. There are parties and presents and you get to see all your close by relatives (at least in my family we did this). When you get older, they no longer hold the same specialness. Unless, of course, that it is some kind of milestone. Like your 30th, 40th, 50th, etc. But all the birthdays in between are just another day. Unless you are like me. Those in between birthdays make me take a reflective look at where I am and where I am going.

Looking back, I've done a lot of things, lived in a lot of places, and loved a *lot* of people (wink, wink!). And I thought, when I was younger (and more naive), that I would be somewhere else by this stage of my life. I pictured a significant other (couldn't decide whether I wanted a male or female sharing my life at the time), at least one child, living in a nice house with plenty of land for two horses and a plethora of other four-legged creatures, and a fulfilling career as an accountant - self-employed of course. Needless to say, I do not have any of that - save the significant other. This makes me start to wonder what I did wrong in my life. Oh, I know the answer to that question. I should have gone to college after high school instead of getting married. I should have saved more money over the years instead of spending it on stupid shit. I should have started the whole "fertility crap" much earlier than now.

And I know that the 'should have' game is no way to live ones life. Instead, I need to focus on how to get some of those things that I want now, instead of moaning about the past. I know this, yet every year I play the 'should have' game with myself. I can't wait for the year when that goes away. Maybe when I get off my butt and start working on those things? :)